Moments Series: Never Say Goodbye
by Su Freund
Summary: What Jack is thinking after he watches SG-1's final message in Brief Candle. Pov, Episode Tag.


Title: Moments Series - Never Say Goodbye

Author: Su Freund

Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)

Category: PoV, Episode Tag

Content Warnings: Use of mild language

Pairings: Jack and Sam

Season: One

Spoilers: Brief Candle

Rating: G

Summary: What Jack is thinking after he watches SG-1's final message

Sequel/Series Info: Drabble series of POVs based on a moment from an episode – now called The Moments Series.

Status: Complete

Disclaimer: Not mine and sadly never will be. No copyright infringement is intended. Copyright © 2004 Su Freund

Archive: My site, Jack and Sam's Pad, Jackfic, SJD

Author's Note: Called a drabble ficlet because each individual paragraph is 100 words long. This series is not necessarily written or appearing in episode order so does not follow a particular sequence - except my whim in writing them. Rodlox, you mentioned this episode in your feedback for "And So it Begins". I'm not sure it is what you expected but it will have to do!

**Moments Series - Never Say Goodbye **

I love a beautiful woman as much as the next man and, boy, Kynthia sure is beautiful, but talk about getting punished for the sin of lust! Jeeze, it wasn't even my fault; I was frickin' drugged. Okay, so I was attracted to her, and flattered, but I wasn't counting on a dose of something even worse than the clap. At least there's a cure for that. As far as I know, the only folks who have found a cure for old age are the Goa'uld and I'm not knocking on their door askin' for help anytime soon. I'm screwed!

Carter, Frasier… I'm sure they've done their best, but it wasn't good enough. Now I'm stuck here getting older and feebler by the minute - and I'm all alone. That sucks! No way am I risking spreading this thing to mother earth. So here I am playing Methuselah and dying – alone. That's the bottom line: dying, alone. Did I already say alone? Crap! Sooo not a good thing to happen. If I make it out of this one alive, which I doubt, I'm never taking cake from a beautiful strange alien woman again. This taught me good. Too late O'Neill.

Life was getting interesting. Great job, team shaping up well - a way to go yet, but we're bonding. What a team! Two geniuses, a Jaffa and a grunt. Go figure! I sure am missing them. Daniel is a pain in the butt; who would have figured that we'd turn out to be friends. He's a little like an over enthusiastic puppy sometimes, gets us into a few scrapes, but he's useful to have around. Sharp, but just not wary enough. I guess he never had to be. I give lessons and he'll learn – if I'm around to teach him.

Assuming worst-case scenarios, and tactics, that's my specialty. I was born to do that, do it well and, heck, they even pay me for it. Who would guess? I've had a whole lot of crap in my life, but I've been lucky too, even happy sometimes. Can't have everything. Daniel will get with it eventually. I just hope he doesn't get himself or anyone else killed meanwhile. I should be there for him. Damn! I don't want to die when there's so much to live for. This couldn't have happened when I was feeling suicidal? Screw it, Jack, stay focussed.

Teal'c is a totally different ballgame to my brainy archaeologist friend. He could be a soul mate. The big guy could do with a little humanisation, but we're like-minded, fellow warriors to the core. I like that. Folks figured I was crazy to want him on the team but when a guy gives up everything to save your ass, and take a chance to save his own people, he kind of grows on you pretty damned quickly. I trust him. It's strange to trust an alien even above many humans, but there's the truth of it. He should be fine.

I sense there's a little personal loyalty thing going on, although it's anyone's guess as to why. Feels kind of good though. I sure hope he continues on okay with the rest of the team, and the guy Hammond chooses to replace me. Replace me? Shit! I know I'm not exactly irreplaceable but I wanna be there. They're my team. I want to be the one that leads them to being the best damned SG team there is or ever will be. I want to guide them, work with them, even be friends with them. So much for that idea!

Leave Carter till last, why don't you? Wonder why? You know why, you sap. Don't think about that. She's coming on pretty good, but she has one heck of a brain and it confuses the hell out of me. She can be a bit touchy about being a woman in a "man's world" but who can blame her? Some guys give women hell in the USAF, so she's defensive. She'll learn too. I keep telling her that underneath this gruff exterior there's a nice guy trying to get out. I think she's beginning to believe me. I want her to.

After this she probably thinks I leap into bed with any pretty face that comes my way. I hate that idea, and she couldn't be more wrong, but she doesn't know me well enough yet. I hoped she'd get to know me better, trust me, respect me… especially that. I wanna get to know her better too - a lot. Damn it, out of time now. Another great idea gone wrong! Jack, you gotta keep your pants zipped tight in future. Wish there was a future. I'll miss her and what might have been. Jeeze, I'm getting wistful… sap Jack!

If she'd known Sara and me she would know better. I don't screw around, honest, Carter. Sure I get chances, many women seem attracted to me for some odd reason, but I just don't usually take 'em. I loved Sara; still do in my own way. I never wanted anyone but her from day one. I should write to her, but what would I say? Sorry I wrecked our marriage and killed our son? Sure! Don't know what to say so I'll say nothing. Wouldn't be the first time O'Neill. Don't know what to say to my team either. Crap!

God, I miss them: the company, camaraderie, banter, arguments - the whole thing. We were growing into a great team; evolving might be a better word. I guess this is it now, finished; I'm never gonna see them again. They've said their goodbyes, but I can't bring myself to say mine. I don't want to say goodbye when we were just saying hello! And Sara. I can't stop thinking about her. I wasn't a good husband at the end. She deserved better. I love you, Sara, really I do. I'm so sorry. Carter said 'good-byes really suck' – she was right.

End


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